BURNOUT PREVENTION AND RECOVERY TECHNIQUES
Health Tips for the 90s and Their Microsoft Counterparts
 
1. STOP DENYING
Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit the stresses
and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or
emotionally.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into
unconsciousness.
 
2. AVOID ISOLATION
Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies with friends
and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but also is
anathema to agitation and depression.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside so
no one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your
productivity.
 
3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES
If your job, your relationships, a situation, or a person is dragging
you under, try to alter your circumstances or, if necessary, leave.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, suppress
these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee. (It's free.)
 
4. DIMINISH INTENSITY IN YOUR LIFE
Pinpoint those areas or aspects which summon up the most concentrated
intensity and work toward alleviating that pressure.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: Increase intensity. Maximum intensity = maximum
productivity. If you find yourself relaxed and with your mind
wandering, you are probably having a detrimental effect on the stock
price.
 
5. STOP OVERNURTURING
If you routinely take on other people's problems and responsibilities,
learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some nurturing for yourself.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: Always attempt to do everything. You ARE responsible
for it all. Perhaps you haven't thoroughly read your job description.
 
6. LEARN TO SAY "NO"
You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up for yourself. This means
refusing additional requests or demands on your time or emotions.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: Never say no to anything. It shows weakness and lowers
the stock price. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do at
midnight.
 
7. BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH
Learn to delegate, not only at work, but also at home and with
friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing yourself for
yourself.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: Delegating is a sign of weakness. Let someone else do
it (see #5).
 
8. REASSESS YOUR VALUES
Try to sort out the meaningful values from the temporary and fleeting,
the essential from the nonessential. You'll conserve energy and time,
and begin to feel more centered.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: Stop thinking about your own problems. This is
selfish. If your values change, we will make an announcement at the
company meeting. Until then, if someone calls you and questions your
priorities, tell them that you are unable to comment on this and give
them the number for Microsoft Marketing. It will be taken care of.
 
9. LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF
Try to take life in moderation. You only have so much energy
available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your life, then
begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: A balanced life is a myth perpetuated by the Lotus
Marketing Team. Don't be a fool: the only thing that matters is work
and productivity.
 
10. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY
Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid diets, disregard your need
for sleep, or break doctor appointments. Take care of yourself
nutritionally.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: Your body serves your mind, your mind serves the
company. Push the mind and the body will follow. Drink Mountain Dew.
(It's free.)
 
11. DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY
Try to keep superstitious worrying to a minimumóit changes nothing.
You'll have a better grip on your situation if you spend less time
worrying and more time taking care of your real needs.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: If you're not worrying about work, you must not be
very committed to it. We'll find someone who is.
 
12. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR
Begin to bring joy and happy moments into your life. Very few people
suffer burnout when they're having fun.
 
MICROSOFT VIEW: So, you think your work is funny? We'll discuss this
with your manager on Friday. At 7:00 pm.
Return to Humor...